About a year and a half ago, I felt the Lord really putting on my heart that he wanted me to learn more about Him. More than what I was learning in my LifeGroup and at church. And, to do so in a more structured way. But I just kind of tossed it off and didn’t give it a lot of thought…… until November, when I suddenly had more time on my hands than I knew what to do with. The seeds that the Spirit had been planting in my heart to learn more about Him started to germinate and I found myself at Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary in late November. During that meeting….that I thought was only an informational session….I was convinced to apply, despite the deadline having been weeks prior. So, I did. And in the true form of God, I got everything for the application submitted in record timing. [This was no easy feat….they essentially asked for an encyclopedia of my life.] Then one Thursday morning, I received an email that GCTS had received all of my transcripts, recommendations, essays, blood sample (just kidding!), etc. and they would be back in touch with me in the next couple weeks with an admission decision. Later that SAME day, I got an email saying that I had been accepted. The.SAME.day!
This week, I finished my first semester at GCTS. I literally have NO idea what I’m going to do with this degree (or whatever it turns out being), but that’s not the point. The point is that this is where God wanted me to be and I’m here. He started planting seeds in me and when He knew I was ready, He made it happen. There is NO way I could have done this at any other point in my life. His timing is perfect. It sucks sometimes for us because it’s not the timing we hope for….but, it’s perfect.
And, y’all…get this… He’s even gone so far as to orchestrate my class schedule and when I will take certain classes. This summer I will take two counseling classes that I’m not technically supposed to take yet because I don’t have the fundamental class credits, like all of my classmates (most, if not all, of my classmates will already have a Master of Divinity….and well….I am farrrrrrr from that). But, He made it happen by making sure that I talked to the right people at the right time…..and, in the way God works, all kinds of exceptions were made for me to be able to take these classes. Because these are the plans He has for me. Again, I have NO idea why I’m taking these courses this summer. But He will reveal it all in His perfect timing.
Ok, let me be real though….I say [or rather, write] all of this and yet…I STRUGGLE with His plans and His timing for my life EVERY.SINGLE.DAY. I know that he has plans to prosper me, not to harm me and plans to give me a hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11) and that He works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28). I know all of this in my head and most of the time, in my heart. But it’s a struggle to live it out every day.
I have to remind myself that I am not powerful enough to mess up the plans that He has for me. I pray and ask for guidance. And, He shows up. He shows me that He’s in charge. [I’m quite sure that He’s tired of me asking for Him to show me His sovereignty every.single.day….but He does.]
Just in the past three months, I’ve had interactions with people that have been so God-orchestrated that there’s no way it was coincidence. Voicemails and texts from people right after I had been talking about them. Sightings and short interactions with people that I hadn’t seen in months, but had just been talking about the day prior. Devotionals shared that spoke directly into my hurting heart. Visits from people who live on the other side of the world. Bible studies that provided exactly what our LifeGroup needed to learn and sermons, at our church and others that we visit, that spoke right into what we were learning. His timing is perfect.
My job is to keep my eyes open and upon Him. His job is be in charge. He loves me SO much that He doesn’t want me to fret. He wants me to know that He’s here with me and that He’s got me. I will choose to believe that….even when it’s hard. That’s faith.